Potty Thoughts

Have Respect for Your Fellow Potty Users!

This past weekend I attended The Word on the Street, an outdoor book fair that’s been held in Toronto for over thirty years.

The original incarnation of the festival actually was on the street for years. Queen Street. It was an amazing time and was always held the third week of September. It grew and grew, and so they moved it to Queen’s Park. Then they moved it to Harbourfront. Then it was moved to June. This year was the second year back at Queen’s Park, but it was way smaller and in a different location of the park.

The Word on the Street is an important festival for readers, book lovers, authors, editors, publishers, and lovers of the imagination of all ages. The booths provide freebies, the ability to purchase books directly from authors and have them signed, activities for the kids, readings, and panels for all. A good time and it’s all free.

However, today, I want to focus on something else that was triggered by going to The World on the Street but led me down the garden path of deep thoughts.

Ah, The PortaPotties

There were many portapotties at the event, plus handwashing stations and even water bottle filling stations. These are definitely conveniences that have grown over the years.

As someone who works as a background performer on various sets, I’m used to using portapotties.

So, I have a few things to say.

First, it would be lovely if the portapotties’ designers would add hooks or a little shelf in even the tiniest, simplest potty booth so we have a spot to hang our purses, knapsacks, coats, water bottles, or whatever. Some have them; some don’t. But let’s get hooks into all of them! And those little mirrors are good, too, so you can see if you have corn stuck in your teeth. Not everyone has a friend who will hold their stuff while they hit the bathroom.

Portapotties are their own thing. Some people try to think about others when they use them; some don’t. A portapotty is only as disgusting as the person who used it before you. The modern-day ones begin the day being clean, so it’s up to you, the consumer, to keep it that way.

Portapotties should be unisex and usually are. I rarely see them divided into men and women anymore, and certainly not at The Word on the Street.

Public Bathrooms, Yikes!

After The Word on the Street, I went down to the Eaton’s Center and, at some point, had to use the public bathrooms. And that gave me pause for thought. I was thinking of my decades of public bathroom usage.

Have you ever seen someone come out of a stall, and you go in after her and see the disgusting mess they left in there and then have the urge to run back out and grab the woman by the hair and drag her back into the stall, forcing her to look at the mess she made and ask her to clean it up? It’s one of my favourite fantasies.

I’ve never understood why women are so disgusting to their sisters. Why do they pee and poo on the seat? Why do they smear blood around and not throw their filthy pads into the garbage? Why are women’s bathrooms such a horror show?

The Buffet Bathroom

I’ve worked at many places as a server/bartender, including buffet restaurants. Back in the day, the server usually had to do a washroom check to make sure the toilet paper hadn’t run out. And sometimes, you were the one who had to clean the bathrooms.

The women’s bathrooms win every single time, hands down as the most disgusting places to be in the world. And with the buffet restaurant, you can add puke on the floor, the toilet seats, and the sinks to the roster.

Bathrooms in Co-ed Residence

When I was in University, I lived for two years in a co-ed residence. We all lived on the same floor in the same building. We all shared the same washrooms, the same stalls, and sinks. We shared the same three showers as well, with only a flimsy curtain as a shield.

I loved it. Well, I didn’t see the big deal, to be honest. I grew up with a brother and a father, and they, along with my mom, all used the same bathroom. We didn’t have separate bathrooms in the house for men and women, so it made sense to me that we wouldn’t when we lived in residence either. And that was back in the eighties. Not one person in two years thought it was weird that we were coexisting like normal people do. It was progressive to be inclusive, and I thought it was a good sign for a wonderful world where everyone shared everything, and we all got along. (Excuse me while I go laugh bitterly in the corner.)

I don’t know if those residences are still co-ed and if the bathrooms still are in these modern times, but I give York University full props for being cutting edge. Well, not even cutting edge. As I said, just being normal.

Club Bathrooms

For years when I’d go to clubs, especially super crowded Halloween parties and such, I’d often use the men’s bathroom since there would be no lines. Run in and out; no one’s the wiser. And even at clubs, nine times out of ten, the women’s washroom would be a wet, sloppy shithole, and the men’s would just be a regular bathroom with nothing nefarious to slime you up.

Women’s WASHroom? Haha. Try Pig Sty!

Alternative lifestyle clubs have had genderless bathrooms for years. Again, I never thought it was a big deal.

As long as the stall has a door that shuts, I personally don’t care who is on the other side of the door.

Potty Dreams

The other day, someone posted on Facebook that they have recurring dreams around trying to find a bathroom. Judging by the length of that thread, it seems we all have dreams about having to pee in a public place or searching for a bathroom forever, or that people are watching us pee, or whatever. I often have a dream that I’m wading ankle-deep in sewage looking for a bathroom stall with a door on it with a working toilet that isn’t covered in shit and often can’t find one and then am not sure where to pee, but I often wake up or the dream shifts.

I don’t know if it’s just a North American phenomenon, these potty dreams, or if everyone around the world has them since bathroom rituals are different in different cultures. However, I bet half of our nightmares are triggered by people who literally give no shits that people will use the bathroom after they’ve finished with it.

Park Pee

While at The Word on the Street, I was going to find a nice tree in the park and sit and write for a bit. I mean, why not? I’m surrounded by books and writers on a gorgeous day in a glorious tree-filled park. I’d packed my journal and a little blanket. However, something that’s been on my mind for a few years now came to the forefront.

The simple act of sitting on the grass in the park.

You really can’t do that in a big city. Really. Don’t let your kids do it, either.

Spend a minute and watch dog after dog after dog peeing and pooing under those beautiful trees, in the prime sitting areas, against benches and picnic tables, or anywhere at all for that matter. And yes, the owners Let Them. The dogs don’t know better but the owners sure do. Even if the owner picks up the poo, there’s always something that remains.

Yes, now I’m going to talk about dogs and pee.

First of all, I love dogs. I have had three dogs and five cats in my life, not all at once. I also worked as a pet-sitter, dog-walker for a few years before the pandemic, namely because I love dogs so much. I don’t want another dog myself as my latest place is very small so it would be cruel to keep any animal here but especially a dog. Also, I’m a large dog lover, my favourites are still German Shepards and Belgian Tervurens. I wanted to put that out there before I launch into my next Sephera’s World Observation.

Dogs in the City

Toronto is growing more every day. It’s huge. Sky rises are built daily. And a lot of people own dogs.

Dog parks have exploded in popularity since I last owned an animal. And yay for dog parks. They are definitely a step in the right direction.

However, there are thousands of dogs peeing and pooing on city streets and properties all day and night. It’s endless. Which means if you go to sit on a bench to wait for a bus or want to sit under a tree in a park, chances are, fifty dogs have peed there that day.

There needs to be a way that people can exercise their dogs without the rest of us having to sidestep puddles of dog urine on city streets.

When I was traveling last year, I saw in a couple of American cities, there were little areas all along the city streets created JUST FOR DOG PEE. Public Dog Bathrooms! Little fire hydrants with fake grass and free doggie bags and signs indicating to please let your pet pee here and here’s a doggie bag for your poo.

I love that idea. I hope Toronto adopts it. Maybe it has in some areas, but I’ve not seen any indication of it yet.

Cats Don’t Have the World as Their Litterbox Anymore

Cats have been given a bad rap, and I believe, but I’m not sure, but I think that currently in Toronto, it’s illegal to let cats roam the streets. I think you have to keep your cats inside now forever. This is because they kill songbirds. However, cats also kill mice, rats, cockroaches, and other vermin. People complained about cats peeing and pooing in their gardens and property and so now all cats (I think) have to be inside. If you adopt a cat from a shelter, (this I know for sure!) you have to sign a contract that it will stay inside its whole life.

Cats have been regulated to a life inside because people don’t like where they pee and poo, yet dogs, who are almost always bigger, still can lift a leg against public benches, signs, sidewalks, gardens, and so on, even though people will put signs on their lawns and such. Dogs can still go anywhere they like, even though there are dog parks for this express purpose.

Old Woman Yelling at a Cloud

I have no answers. I love animals. But in my old age, I guess maybe now I’m Grandpa Simpson screaming at a cloud. I want to sit under a tree and work on my book, but I can’t because a thousand dogs have peed there that day. Why should I destroy my picnic blanket with strange pee?

It’s gross, it’s filthy, it’s dangerous, it’s unsanitary, and a great way to spread disease.

Yes, squirrels and foxes and other wildlife pee and poo all over as well. But there aren’t thousands of them every single day.

So, those are my Monday morning potty thoughts.

Please, don’t pee on the seat and if you do, give it a quick wipe; wash your hands, and take your dog to the dog park!

In other words, remember the world doesn’t revolve around just you and your pee!

What do YOU think about public bathrooms, humans, cats, and dogs?

Do YOU have crazy bathroom nightmares?

Let’s talk in the comments!