Serial Vlogger: Part Forty-Six
A horror story in tiny slices!
“Don’t forget to like, share and subscribe.”
“Our gorll has gained another 45 pounds this past week. She’s long past the point of no return. When did a weight loss journey become a weight gain adventure?”
“More insurrectionists have been sentenced to prison.”
“The insurrection was a plot by the CIA. It was a plot to bring disgrace to the opposition.”
“Freedom comes at a cost, and if you donate fifty bucks to my superchats, we’ll let you into the private members club where you too can help us plan the next convoy for freedom.”
“Gas costs too much yet they drive around in circles all day, protesting the government, demanding freedom. Isn’t freedom being able to drive around in circles all day protesting the government? It’s cheaper to walk.”
“Two old grandpas battling for power. No wonder the youth don’t give a fuck about the future. There is none.”
“One rapidly declining grandpa, one person of color woman…of course, grandpa will win…the land of the free and home of the brave was founded on white dominance and the suppression of women.”
“As we expected, no self-respecting ‘murican would have a lady Prez-ident. Don’t kid yerself, it’s not just white men, it’s everyone who is struggling, which is the whole goddamn country. Women too. Women especially. Need a strong man to guide us out of this swamp. Ayup.”
“Our bodies, our rights only works when your bodily fluids don’t spread a pandemic, or measles, or polio…get your damn vaccines already. We spent hundreds of years developing science and medicine only for you to turn your back on it?”
“Our bodies, our rights only works when your bodily fluids don’t spread a pandemic, or measles, or polio…get your damn vaccines already. We spent hundreds of years developing science and medicine only for you to turn your back on it?”
“Science is a cult. Believing in science means you’re pagan.”
“The moon landing never happened. It was all done through CGI and AI. Any fool can see that. And, no, I don’t believe that technology was only invented recently; humans have always had it; that’s how they made the pyramids. That how they faked science. The world is only a few hundred years old, and your grandparents made up the rest.”
“There are now fourteen missing people in Toronto. Fourteen reported missing people. That doesn’t mean there aren’t more. That doesn’t mean that those who are lost to the system don’t count. Fourteen people that We Know About and a crap ton of others we don’t. So where do we look? Garbage cans? Gardens? White vans?”
“Evil lurks around every corner. That’s why you must pray. Pray away the gay, you can, you will, it’s possible.”
“No one knows who they are anymore. It’s like Logan’s Run where people change their faces on a whim. Why does everyone look the same?”
“The devil whispered in their ears, and now they have their bodies full of tattoos. That’s good, very good. The more people going to hell means there’s more room for the rest of us in heaven.”
“Are you hungry? I’m always hungry. I have four deluxe pizzas here, and I’m going to eat each and every one for you. On ASMR! Are you ready, feeders?”
“Go to an estate sale. Grab everything you can first, and then look it over. After all, someone else might grab that piece before you. If there’s jewelry, talk them down. I’ve bought rings for a buck and turned around and sold them online for a thousand dollars. It’s a glorious way to earn a living. Estate sales are your friends. You can find all kinds of priceless things that family is giving away; they are in too much grief and are too overwhelmed with other estate duties than to worry about grandma’s precious jewelry or vintage toys going for a buck. Hey, if they want to give things away, it’s not OUR fault!”
“In the world of predators, you may think you’re superior, but in fact, you likely are not. How fast can you run? How long can you stay outside on a hot, sunny day? How long can you hold your breath? No matter how much you work out at the gym or can swim across the lake or fearlessly cliff dive, you are still only a human, only made of some flesh, some bones. Your senses are only so honed. And you would only last so long against any being that has figured out your weaknesses. What are your weaknesses? Emotional? Physical? Spiritual?”
“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
“Oh, honey, don’t be sending that man one more damn penny. He should be treating you like a queen, not filling your heart and mind with misery and demanding money from you. These days, we all gotta take care of ourselves. Don’t be trifling with no fools. They’re a dime a dozen. Good in bed, shitty in the head. Make friends with your vibrator and kick that asshole to the curb.”
“Stay hydrated. We are made of water and electricity. Think about Niagara Falls. How much water spills over those cliffs every day? All that water creates energy. And energy is what we’re all comprised of, living or dead. So, stay hydrated, my dears. There’s a long journey ahead.”